Been lost for the past one wk. Nothing is nice..

It feels different without her.

Went back to church. worshiping God. i cried my heart out. She was still on my mind.

What you are doing, you are trying to make me go away.. You feel the pain so do i. Is it fair?

please..Love you too much ...

boring day!

Wow! How times flies?It been a yr plus since i know elin.  My joy and baby.

When i was young, i never study hard. Now when i intend to study my degree, i dun even know if i can get in.  Looking to take a double degree but it cost 30k when a single degree cost 17k 

Dun wish to depend on my mum.

Got to make a decision soon.

broken hearted

For the first time or second time in my life, i can't get to sleep becoz of a gal. I realised i am a stupid guy. Where got people put in so much effort in a relationship.

Maybe i am new or i tend to trust elin much after my grandmum pass away. I realised that i am foolish. 

Writting this allow me to get all the crap out of my head, knowing you will read this. 

Maybe it is good that we go for a time out but knowing myself. I know nothing will come out of this time out.

Why did i put in some much effort in being with you when you are down? I dun know. At that point i only know i we were meant to be with one and other. But looking from the looks of things. I dun think so.

Why did i make the decision to work hard. So that we can go on a short trip together and enjoy ourselves after hearing you complain you want to go to thailand. But after hearing that you have no intentions of going with me. It cut thru my heart. Even as i type away, my heart bleds.

I maybe hot temper but you know me well enough. Enough said..

Where is God? i know you are near but are you in the mist of this? 

good bye

Just finish my 2nd nationals in a row. I got to say was not prepared well enough for it. I come in 4th. To me, i did have some improvment.But people are better and even more prepared. That what bodybuilding is all about. 

No more competing. I will take a step back from competing but not training. Time to focus on my studies and work. Spend more time with my love ones.

4th place. The feeling is like 1st place. At the end of the day, my biggest fan is with me. Love her. Without her, i dun think i will grow up even more.

Thanks you bebe.. Love you much. Nothing can explain or say how much i value you in my life. Muackz

The long road to my farewell in bodybuilding

Bodybuilding is my sport. No one will define it for me. I define it, i control it. 1O full years of bodybuilding, it has taken a toil on my body. Why on earth am i still going on? No one know.

There will be  time when one will hang up his desire to compet against the very best. That is when you know there is other thing to focus on. I am at that stage now.

Taking what i learn from bodybuilding to apply it to my other areas of my life, work.

I am still considering whether to compet. Taking this last time to compet against the very best in singapore. What is stopping me, it is not the diet but the injuries i had over the years. One major one is my knee, i am feeling the pain even on the days which i am not training legs. Training with 9 pcs of 45 pound on one side, trying to squat 2 1/2 plates of 45 pounds, then doing 4-5 pcs of 45 for hack squat.

I wonder why i am competing? 

It could be the heart in which a bodybuilder has. Facing what that has place infront of him, overcoming it with the determination and discipline that has been grown over the years. True bodybuilders never complain, but they just do it. Why? complain is always a bitch. Doing it will be easy to say.

Personal life will be put aside. Problems will be put aside. Lets get prepared for the great showdown.